


A Bridge to Carry Us Through

by Donovanspen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-06 03:23:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1101805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donovanspen/pseuds/Donovanspen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean plans a special evening to try to reconnect with Cas.  AU set after 8x23. </p>
<p>"I don’t know the end game here, and we’ve been dealt some pretty crappy hands.  But you’re here.  You always manage to come back, and that means something.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. Please feel free to let me know of any typos, and I'll gratefully correct them. 
> 
> (I don’t own anything related to Supernatural. Just having fun writing stories.)

Dean pulled into the movie theater parking lot and stopped in front of the building.  “Three hours?” he asked as Sam and Kevin exited the car. 

 

“Yeah. We’ll meet you at that diner down the block,” Sam answered, closing the door behind them and walking with Kevin up to the ticket window. 

 

Dean glanced over at the quiet man in the passenger seat.  Even with the heater on, Cas was still hunkered down in his coat, miserable in the Kansas winter.  He had been struggling ever since Metatron had taken his grace and expelled the angels.  The past several months had been bloody and exhausting, and they were no closer to finding a way to reverse the spell.   They were all tired, but Cas also carried the weight of his guilt. 

 

It had been Kevin’s suggestion that they celebrate the holidays.  Nothing over the top, just enough for them to catch a breather and remember why they were fighting.  Sam was immediately on board, and Dean was all for anything that might help his family so they put up a few basic decorations and added some down time into their schedule.  Tonight Sam and Kevin were catching a movie while Dean had something else planned for his friend. 

 

“Where are we going?” Cas finally asked after ten minutes of driving had them leaving the city limits. 

 

“Thought we might do something different.”

 

“I’m really not in the mood.  You should have went with Sam and Kevin and left me in the bunker.”

 

“We left you in the bunker the last three times we went out.  Tonight, I could use some company, good or bad.” He could tell Cas really didn’t want to be there, but at least he wasn’t protesting anymore.  

 

It was another ten minutes before he saw the turnoff for the farm.  Cas was now sitting up and staring at the brightly lit landscape.  

 

“What is this place?”

 

“Something different,” Dean answered, parking the Impala in the half-full lot. 

 

Understandably, Cas hadn’t been much for celebrating Christmas, but Dean had been concerned that he was becoming too withdrawn. The usual festive activities wouldn’t cut it, so he’d searched until he'd found this place.  On the surface, Cas was handling his fall pretty well.  He hunted with them and was actively helping to find a way to help the angels, but on a more personal level, the former angel was hurting. Dean had been trying to reach out to him, but Cas was keeping everyone at an arm’s length.  Tonight, he hoped to bridge that gap. 

 

“Hi, welcome to Bryant Farms.” A woman sitting in a small booth greeted them with a cheery smile as they walked up. “Feel free to walk around as much as you’d like.  If you stay on the lighted path, you shouldn’t have any problems.  Hayrides are down by the barn.  Inside there’s singing and refreshments.”

 

“Thank you,” Dean told her.  He handed over the large grocery bag of canned foods, the donation the cost of entrance onto the farm.  He reached out and tugged on Cas’ jacket, leading him down the path. 

 

The farm was an actual working farm throughout the growing season, but during the holidays, they turned the space into a winter wonderland.  Lanterns lit the path among the trees leading down to the large barn.  Other couples were out walking  as well but spread out far enough that there was a sense of privacy.  The sky was clear that evening, and Dean felt a sense a peace as he walked underneath the stars.  

 

“So, what do you think?” Dean asked.

 

“It’s cold,” Cas grumbled.  

 

Dean sighed and moved closer to him and wrapped his arm around his waist, drawing him into a loose embrace.  “Better?”

 

Cas tensed, but he didn’t pull away. 

 

Dean was surprised that Cas was allowing the close contact, and he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth.  They took their time walking down to the barn, and before entering the tall two story building, Dean pulled him off to the side and led him over to the wagon. He could feel Cas’ eyes on him as he spoke with the driver and arranged for a ride.  

 

“Dean,” he began with a slight shake of his head.  He started backing away, but Dean reached out and grabbed hold of his hand. 

 

“Come on,” he urged.  “We’re already here.” Not trusting the other man not to run off, he waited until Cas had climbed up into the back before following him.  They nestled down in the soft hay, and Dean covered them with the coarse blanket that was folded in the corner.  

 

The ride was a bit bumpy as the wagon wheels rolled across the snow covered ground, but the hay absorbed most of the shocks.  Traveling off the beaten path, the only light was from the moon and the small lanterns attached to the front of the wagon.  Dean glanced over at Cas and could see that he was leaning back and staring up at the stars.  He laid back as well and scooted closer until their shoulders were touching. 

 

After they had returned from their ride and brushed the hay off of themselves, Dean nodded towards the barn. They hadn’t spoken since the beginning of the hayride, but Dean could sense a change in his friend.  Cas followed him into the barn where small tables and hay bales were set up.  At the far end of the room, a large table was filled with desserts and hot chocolate.  To the right of the table, a group of teenagers sang softly, filling the warm barn with sweet carols. 

 

This wasn’t usually his thing, but even Dean could admit that this was a pretty special way to spend the evening.  They sat down with their refreshments, Dean, of course, choosing the peach pecan pie.  Cas fiddled with his fork before finally putting it down and sliding his plate of apple cobbler towards Dean. 

 

“Why did you bring me here?”

 

Dean thought about his answer.  Because you’re depressed and I’m worried.  Because you’re hurting, and I want to help.  “Because despite everything that has happened, I know that you still have faith.”

 

“You’re wrong.”

 

“I’m not.  I don’t know the end game here, and we’ve been dealt some pretty crappy hands.  But you’re here.  You always manage to come back, and that means something.”

 

“Are you saying you have faith, Dean?”

 

“I’m saying you’re here, and that means something to me.  It means a hell of a lot to me.”

 

A faint blush tinted his cheeks, and Cas ducked his head as the corners of his lips twitched in a tiny smile.  “I’m not sure I deserve your devotion.”

 

“Well, I am.”  He reached across the table and wrapped his fingers around Cas’ hand and gave them a gentle squeeze.  When Cas returned the gesture, Dean knew that the walls were starting to come down.  He also knew better than to expect Cas to open up right away, but at least he’d stopped running.  And when he was ready, Dean would be there. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Dean pulled the last pan from the oven and set it on the counter.  It was a lot of food but New Year’s was supposed to be a party, right?  He wasn’t much in the mood for celebrating, but Sam and Kevin were still feeling quite festive. 

“Hey Dean, whoa.” Sam stopped just inside the doorway of the kitchen.  “That’s a lot of food.” He surveyed the spread and quirked a brow in question.   

“What?  Parties have food.” He wished it were that simple.  He’d spent the entire day in the kitchen more for a distraction than anything else.  Cooking kept him busy.  And hiding out in the kitchen allowed him to claim to be part of the activities while maintaining his distance.  

“Yeah, but there’s only four of us, and one of us is sick.  You have enough food here for twenty people,” Sam pointed out.  

Dean scowled at him and started transferring the chicken wings to a large platter.  

“Hey, are you still sulking over that?  How many times do we have to tell you that Cas didn’t get sick because he was out that night?  He caught a cold, Dean.”

It was a hell of a cold. Cas had been laid out for the past three days.  Sam might be acting like it’s no big deal now, but Dean knew that he had been worried as well.  And yeah, this bug had hit Cas pretty hard, but it was more than that. Dean had been so sure that he had reached him that night they went out to the farm, but at the first sign of the sore throat, the former angel had reverted back to his sulky, withdrawn self.  Christmas had come and gone, and Cas had spent it keeping them all at arm’s length.  Sam and Kevin wrote it off as him being sick, but Dean knew better.  He could see it in the way that Cas wouldn’t meet their eyes or how he was unwilling to engage in even the slightest conversation or be in their presence.  No, he could feel his friend slipping through his fingers, and Dean was frustrated in his impotence.  

“Anyway,” Sam continued.  “He’s up now, and looking better.  Said he could go for some tea.” 

Dean perked up at the news.  “I made chicken vegetable soup.” He went about fixing a mug of the hot broth.  Sam seemed fairly content to let him take over, as he didn’t even bother to make the tea.  Instead he offered to finish putting out the food Dean made so his brother could go see about his friend. 

 

 

When Dean showed up with the soup, he was pleased to see Cas alert and sitting up. “Hey, I made soup and thought you might like some broth.”  He handed him the cup, making sure to hold on until he was sure Cas had a firm grip. He sat on the edge of the bed, just in case, though. 

“Thank you,” Cas said before taking a sip.  He let out a pleased little hum and proceeded to drink the entire cup. 

“If you can keep that down, I’ll get you some more,“ Dean told him as he took the cup and placed it on the nightstand. 

“I think I shall like to get cleaned up.” He rubbed the heavy stubble across his cheek and then pulled at his sweat-dampened nightshirt.  He pushed aside his blanket and moved to stand, only to have his legs buckle. 

“Easy.”  Dean reached out with a steadying hand. “You’ve been out of it for a few days.  You’re going to be a bit wobbly.” 

It took another minute before Cas indicated that he was fine to proceed on his own.  Dean wasn’t so sure, but he let go and contented himself with hovering nearby in case he was needed.   

When Cas emerged from the bathroom all fresh and clean, Dean was relieved that he was still steady on his feet but also a little disappointed that Cas didn’t need him.  He was well aware that he was being selfish, and he truly wanted the best for Cas.  But he just wasn’t convinced that Cas’ independent streak was going to end well.  

 

 

Two hours later, he was sitting by himself on the sofa with the remote in his hand.  Sam and Kevin had double-teamed him with apologetic faces and asked if he would mind if they went out instead.  Of course, he was invited, and they could eat all the food tomorrow so his efforts wouldn’t be in vain.  It was so good to see his little brother happy and having fun, and there was no way that he was going to take that away from him.  It took a while to convince them that he was really ok with staying home, but in the end, they agreed that someone should stay behind with Cas, just in case.    

He was five minutes into _Batman Begins_ when Cas shuffled into the room wearing sleep pants and a sweatshirt, the blanket from his bed draped over his shoulders.  He hit pause and frowned down at his bare feet.  “You at least need socks on, Cas.”

“Where is everyone?  I thought Sam said it was movie night.” 

“They decided to hit the town and ring in the New Year.” 

Cas gave him a sharp look.  “Did you stay here because of me?” 

“Nah.  Dark Knight,” he nodded towards the screen.  It was on the tip of his tongue to invite him to watch it with him, but he had already put himself out there.  He needed Cas to take the next step. 

And he did.  He moved closer to Dean but stopped short of sitting down. “Is this all right?” 

“Why wouldn’t it be?” 

“I understand that germs spread easily.  I don’t want to make you sick.” 

And that’s when he saw it, that small flicker of uncertainty in his eyes.  He pushed aside his own insecurity and took a really good look at his friend.  The normal confident stature was now replaced with a slight nervous shuffle as Cas waited for his answer.  He held his arm out in invitation, not just telling him it was ok to sit, but also asking to be close to him.  “You won’t.  You’re on the downswing.  I would have caught it by now if I was going to get it.” 

Cas took the offer and curled up next to Dean.  It was the first time they had ever been close like this, and Dean only wanted to pull him closer and hold onto him and promise that the new year would be better for him.  Instead he hit play and restarted the movie. 

“So what did you think?” he asked after the first movie ended.   

Cas yawned loudly as he sat up and stretched. “I can see why you like the character.  There are… parallels.”

Dean snorted out a laugh.  “Guess so.  Hungry?” At his nod, Dean told him to stay put while he went to the kitchen and fixed a tray of food for them.  He didn’t think Cas would be able to stomach most of what he had prepared so he settled for a bowl of the soup, making sure to include bits of chicken and vegetables this time.   

“Soup’s on,” he announced as he placed the tray on the table in front of the sofa.  “The soup is for you, but you can try anything that you think you can keep down.  There’s more in the kitchen.”  He put the second movie in and then reclaimed his seat.

With a full belly, Batman, and Cas by his side, Dean settled down to what was turning out to be a pretty good New Year’s Eve.  It wasn’t until halfway through the movie that Dean noticed that Cas was watching him more than the movie.  

“What’s up?” he asked after he paused the movie. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” He had been waiting for Cas to talk to him, but now that the moment seemed to be at hand, he was nervous.  They all knew that Cas had to be feeling more than he was letting on, but Dean was afraid as to just how much his friend was actually hurting.  And if he would even be able to help him.  

“For everything.  For trusting Metatron and not listening to you.  For always leaving you.  For allowing myself to be incapacitated in this way that I can’t even help you fight.” His voice cracked, and he tried to move away. 

Dean wasn’t having that, though.  He wrapped his arm around him and pulled him back against him.  “Don’t,” he murmured when Cas tried to pull away again.  “Just stop running.” Cas went pliant in his arms, and Dean shifted until Cas was flush up alongside him with his face buried in Dean’s neck. He could feel the moisture on his skin as well as the tiny little tremors that came with each hitching breath.  He ran his hand up and down his back and tried to think of something reassuring to say.   

“We’ve all made mistakes, Cas.  And those mistakes have had some pretty rough consequences.  I wish we could be perfect, but we can’t.  We try our best and people get hurt.  It sucks, but what about the ones we saved?  If we hadn’t stopped the apocalypse, the planet would have burned.  There’s no manual showing us all the right moves.  I wish like hell there was, but there just isn’t.  I have to believe that we do more good than harm, despite the mistakes we’ve made.”   

“I don’t feel like I belong anywhere,” Cas confessed in a whisper.  

Sadly, Dean knew that feeling, and the reassuring words of friends and family didn’t always help.  “I know,” he soothed, “but remember what I said about faith? No matter what happened, you always found your way back to me.  This is where you belong. Right here with me.  Give it a chance?” 

Cas nodded and pulled back enough to wipe his eyes.  Dean reached up and brushed his thumb across the tear tracks on his cheek.  He stroked along his jawbone and gently grasped his chin, holding him still while he pressed a soft kiss to his lips, their first kiss. 

“Happy New Year, Cas. I promise it’s going to be a good one.”


End file.
